Taking a Break…From Toddlerhood to Adulthood

Taking a Break…From Toddlerhood to Adulthood

Does your toddler have tantrums? Of course they do!! Tantrums are a normal part of childhood development. Arms and legs flail, bodies flop, and crying ensues (often from the child AND the parent!). They often start around age one and continue until about age four. Parents are often embarrassed by tantrums and are sheepish to talk about it. But, be rest assured that tantrums are super normal! And, they are NOT a sign of poor parenting!!

These little people are yearning for some independence, but still lack skills. They have an internal conflict where they want this independence, but also crave parental attention. Toddlerhood is also a time of major frustration, but even the best talkers don't have the verbal skills to express themselves. They have big emotions, but don't have the social maturity to regulate emotions and employ coping skills. So, they hit, and bite, and kick, and yell! Sound familiar?!?

So, what to do? First, I recommend that a parent try to remain calm. Easier said than done, but it will become more natural with more practice. Children often feed off their parent's emotions, so if you keep calm, your child is more likely to become calmer.

Secondly, it helps to acknowledge your toddler's feelings and label them. You could say, "That toy looks tricky. I can see that you are frustrated." Labeling emotions will allow them to better express themselves as time goes on.

Finally, it helps to distract your child and teach them skills to calm down. One of the things I recommend for parents of toddlers is to create a "cool down corner." This can be a safe place that is just for them to go when emotions are high. It not only gives them space, but the things you put there can also help them learn coping skills. You could have bubbles or pinwheels, so your toddler can work on taking deep breaths. Music makers can allow them to make some noise and express themselves. Stuffed animals and cozy blankets can help them self-soothe. Board books can serve as a distraction

Over time your "cool down corner' can evolve with your child. For preschoolers you can add picture books and art supplies. Elementary-aged children may like to add legos, slime and chapter books. Pre-teens and teenagers can add a tablet to listen to music or do digital art. You can add whatever seems to pique your child's interest. The goal is to create a space for them to take a break, recharge, process their emotions, and build coping skills that work for them. Because, unfortunately, frustration and big emotions never stop happening. Instead, we gain skills to effectively deal with them.